Will I ever be enough?

 

Somewhat of a serious note to this weeks blog, something I have wanted to blog about really since starting Hey World.

Like many people in the world, I read blogs, I tweet and I have a Facebook account. I interact via social media every waking hour. Mostly this is down to my job, where I work with bloggers and spend most of my time at work searching and reading blogs. But I am now more than a little concerned by the amount of time I devote to it outside of work hours leads me to think that I may have a problem. It’s not just the amount of time that I spend idly checking friends Facebook status updates and photos of the weekend;  reading favourite blogs about fashion and lifestyle, or replying to and re-tweeting tweets, it’s the impact it seems to be having on my own self worth.

I follow some amazing women on twitter, they run successful companies , have beautiful husbands and angelic looking children, they are part of book clubs and attend events most nights, they snap pictures of themselves in clothes I love, and I start to think they have the life that I want.  What started as a genuine interest in the snippets  of these bloggers lives, that they chose to share with the world has now become my way of measuring myself up against others. Now when I read  blogs it makes me question my own life,  I end up feeling down about the lack of a social life I have, that I don’t go out in the week really, that I am single, that I am not at the top of my game work wise. This isn’t the bloggers fault, and I guess not really my fault; people seem to be of the opinion that its ‘modern life’; but I am not comfortable with that I don’t think. I think that I need to really stop, take a step back and re-evaluate.  Case in point – during the 40 minutes I have taken to write this post I have checked my twitter and Facebook 6 times; this makes me sad.

I read magazines and don’t belittle myself for not having airbrushed skin or a catwalk worthy body, and that’s because I know that they are edited to within an inch of their life, airbrushed and more than likely live on a diet and exercise regime that would make me weep. But the difference with bloggers is; they are real, genuine people, usually not air brushed and therefore I find myself comparing every moment of my life to them.

I think it all boils down to my competitive nature, I hate being anything but the best at things. I want to have the best blog, the coolest life and to be honest would like every now and again to feel a little smug about my life; the problem with that is I wont attempt something unless I know I will be good at it. Hence the sustained single-ness and not having the body of a fashion blogger, because what if I fail? What if at the end of it all I am never enough?

And thus the floodgates are opened about what is ‘enough’?

Will I ever be settled with my lot? Happy and content with the life that I have? Will I ever realise how fortunate I really am to have first world problems like not having a high ranking blog on Google or an instagram with 1,000,000 followers? When will I realise that although I am single, I am surrounded by love. When will I realise that my job is amazing, and that more than that I am lucky to have a job and money coming in every month, and somewhere beautiful to live.

When will it all be enough?

So with that in mind my new plan is to limit my use of social media to working hours, to put my phone out of sight of an evening and to limit myself to an hour a day over the weekend. I feel like an addict, weening myself off social media; but I am concerned that if I don’t then the feelings of inadequacy will only increase.

If you are in the same boat; I’d love to know I’m not the only one suffering with feelings of inadequacy.

E x

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “Will I ever be enough?

  1. I definitely know where you come from about social media addiction – I notice myself not paying attention in real world conversations because I’ve one eye on my phone. Same can be said for checking Twitter in lectures. Whilst I am not as brave as you to wean myself off it at certain times, I’ve instructed friends to take my phone off of me in certain lectures to force me not to get distracted by it. Then again, I am writing this in a lecture right now. So maybe I really do need to follow your lead.

    The thing with social media is that there is no such thing as ‘enough’ – perhaps this translates over to many other aspects of life too. Success outside of work targets (if that’s really what people are after) is impossible to quantify. I think acknowledging you’re hoping to realise how great your life is means you’re halfway there.

    It certainly sounds as though you do have an amazing job and I know people have read your insightful post on my blog and been inspired – myself included.

    Best of luck achieving ‘enough’, but I somehow think we’ll all always be setting ourselves further goals. But if we ever did reach ‘enough’ then there’d be nothing left to aim for. And I reckon that would be the worst feeling.

    Just looking at your list of 30ish before you’re 30ish shows you have done some pretty awesome things and it certainly gives me the impression that you, as a blogger, have a great life – maybe we all read eachother’s blogs with different perspectives, but as a reader of yours I’d say I was a little bit envious of your life so I guess it’s all swings and roundabouts.

    Woah, this was longer than I’d planned. I’d best get back to transcribing morphological patterns.

    Best of luck with everything!

    • Thank you so much for this – makes me feel a lot more settled with my feelings of never enough
      I totally think you have hit the nail on the head with the perspective thing, its all relative isn’t it.
      Get back to your lecture!
      E x

  2. Mhm…I am another one that has a social media addiction. Try five years on the 3D chat programme, IMVU. Mind you, I went from social chatting, to role playing, to now doing stories, which I hope to one day expand into novels. I feel like it is good for me, to have a wide circle of friends from around the globe, and I get to share my love of writing now with others. On the part of feeling, like you will ever be enough, I seriously think you already are. Life is what you make it, and you are right to think, to take that time to step back and evaluate things, if you think it will help you. Good luck <3

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