My Match Weekiversary!

My match.com ‘weekiversary’ has passed and I must say after Mr Shadow Penis things are beginning to look up!

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I must firstly inform you though of the delightful creature who appeared in my inbox late last week. Beautiful doesn’t begin to describe him, handsome movie star good looks and witty banter, I thought hello! I’m on to a winner here.

Fast forward around 3 hours and I’ve learnt that although he is a barrister day-to-day, in the evenings he is a ‘butler in the buff’ what joy I thought! However things took a kooky turn when he informed me that he doesn’t wear an apron when he does it, and usually it’s just one on one with a woman. Now I am not a prude by any means, but surely to you dear readers that seems a little…odd?

With further probing I discover that actually if he had it his way he would be naked all the time and finds that it’s the best way to get to know someone! But “rest assured” he said, you don’t need to be naked on our first date. Phew!

So the date is booked with Mr Naked Lawyer and I guess I’l just have to see what happens. Oh did I also mention he sent me a run down of what I can expect from our first five dates…I’l share a little with you!

“Date 1 – I will be naked, you may not be. I will allow kissing without tongues and light fondling

Date 2 – I will be naked you are more than welcome to be in underwear but not naked. You may pleasure yourself as may I but you may not touch me. I can ejaculate on your body”

Now I’m all up for fondling and all the rest, just not sure I need it scheduled in like a dentists check up?! As a very good friend said… it’s all a little Christian Grey.

Mr Naked seemed to spark some flash of change on the site, suddenly I decided that I should just be bold and email guys I liked the look of, my male friends are always saying women should be more forward. I’m pleased to tell you they’re right!

So as it stands I have a date with a reconstructive surgeon from here on known as Dr Slick, a guitar teacher from Leeds now known as Mr Stratocaster and am chatting with a guy who we’ll call Mr Potential.

Don’t worry il be keeping you up to date on the courting as and when they happen.

Until then! Happy Thursday

E x

4 days down….27 to go!

4 down

So if you read my initial post about match.com earlier this week you will know that I am on a months trial of the site to see if it can boost my 3.5 year stalemate.

I come with tidings of hilarity and horror! Prepare yourself!

It was all going so well, over 100 views of my profile, 37 winks and 14 chaps chatting to me, I was thrilled. I totally understood the benefit of online dating, in the whole 3.5 years of being single I didn’t get a percentage of the attention I have had on the site.

However, as is always the way, things never do run smoothly in my life. So let me begin with some of the delights on the site, how about the 2 guys on there from Harrogate, who I know have girlfriends who have been ‘active’ on the site in the last few days…hmmm interesting! Then there are the guys who appear to have taken their profile pictures in the dirtiest mirror in the world, or decided that the picture where they are one of 30 people is a suitable one to attract attention. But I think the highlight in terms of profile picture goes to this chap – whose face I have blurred out for legal reasons! But if you are brave have a little look down at the bottom right hand corner……

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Not sure there is much I can say about that! And for the record that’s his profile image, not something he sent me!

But in all of this I think that the most disturbing has to be the guy who asked me out, we made great plans to go to comedy club, he was witty and we have similar interests. We should have been going on our first date tonight, but yesterday the very exciting opportunity to go to Opera North to see Otello came about thanks to Culture Vultures (I will be blogging about this in the next few days); sadly that meant I had to email mikey78 and let him know that we would have to rearrange. The email was a sweet one, his response ..not so much!

He called me most names you can think of including, a cock-tease (not sure he knows what this actually is) bitch and self indulgent. He was even less amused when I responded telling him that we wouldn’t be rearranging the date!

He topped that though, he went straight to Match and reported me as a fake profile! Cue and interesting few emails from Match. In fairness they were really great and understood my frustration with the whole matter.

So all in all an interesting first 4 days on the site. However I will continue with a positive mental attitude and as always humour.  Even if I don’t find love, I am finding a whole world of stuff to blog about!

You can follow the day to day tweetings at @emglobetrotter if you prefer my rants limited to 140 characters!

Until next time….

E x

Match?

Thanks to the 3.5 year mark having passed since I last had a semblance of a relationship,  if you read my blog then you will also know its been well over a year since I have been lucky enough to engage with a chap in the no pants dance, I am now embracing the possibility that I will find a chap online! Or at least get a few dates out of it, always good for blog fodder!

So here I go, signed up to Match.com for a month, that’s all I am willing to commit, I am amazed that people sign up for a year right off that bat!

datingThis is totally how I feel about online dating!

So the info has been submitted I have been honest without over sharing and have used pictures that actually look like me, although thanks to Instagram show me in a nice soft light! I am always amazed at how hard people seem to think writing a little bit about yourself is, for me it wasn’t tough. Potentially because I write for a living, and for a hobby, but mostly I think it’s because people aren’t comfortable with who they really are. Thanks to the last 3 years of hell and heaven I have come to a real acceptance about who I am. I worry how much people exaggerate or gloss over some things about themselves. They tick the average looks box because they don’t want to come across as cocky, but knowing all along that actually they are attractive, the say they love things they think other people are looking for or worst of all they create an almost entirely fictional online ‘character’.

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Match photos

So here is my plan, be honest, all the time; not to the point I upset someone but I wont be trying to fit the mold someone else is searching for. So at 5.30pm today 21st January 2013 I am officially ‘dating’ the deal is if I get asked on a date I will go! Despite the fact that I have a list as long as War and Peace outlining what I do and do not want in a man. Then I had a little moment where I realised that I have narrowed the must have personality traits and appearance of ‘Mr Perfect’ to such a degree but I am not sure a person like that even exists! So I am branching out…..I am not thrilled about it, but nor am I thrilled to still be single.

So every few days I will update you on how im getting along…..must dash I have a few emails waiting for me!

E x

Bitch, Slut, Whore….

Slut; an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute.

Whore; a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse, usually for money

Dear Readers I need your help – could someone please tell me when it became acceptable to call other women & girls ‘SLUT’ ‘WHORE’ ‘SLAG’? Now may I just preface this by saying I know this isn’t a new occurrence in the world, and yes I have in the past passed judgement on a stranger without having any rights to. But it seems to me that all of this has now got out of hand. Worst of all it’s not coming from guys about girls, its girls about girls.

In the last 3 weeks I have seen 5 of my friends on Facebook discuss a girl we all went to school with, the said girl is dating one of the ‘mean girls’ ex boyfriends and they have all taken to bad mouthing this girl so badly on Facebook that I have noticed this morning she has deactivated her account. Now it cannot be coincidence that as the ‘mean girls’ were ripping strips of this girl, she decided to leave Facebook.

These girls; note I say girls and not women, as I can only see this behavior as that of people who aren’t grown up enough to be a touch more eloquent; I get that they feel they are protecting their recently dumped friend, but let me make something crystal clear, the aggressive attention should not be focused on the new girlfriend, but on the ex boyfriend surely. Did the new GF even know the guy when he was with his ex? We have been out of school 10 years and yet this feels a lot like it did when I was when I was 17. The difference now is that it’s not just friends on her Facebook  maybe work colleagues or family. It’s not isolated to the school common room like it was in 2002, now its out there for the whole world to see.

Even more upsetting that the 27-year-old girls behaving like school bullies is the recent increase in status’ of friends nieces and nephews and cousins of mine; suddenly it seems to be the norm to call their friends ‘Slag’. When I asked my cousin about this she said “I don’t get it really, but I don’t want to be the only one not doing it, so I do.”  This makes me so sad, I wanted to shake her and make her see the harm that she might be doing not only to herself but to her female and male friends. What chance do her female friends have of growing up and valuing themselves if their friends call them these awful names, even if only in jest. And the guys, what about them? Will they grow into the kind of guys who call the women in their life their ‘bitches’ ‘hoes’ or ‘birds’? Will they understand the way it makes those girls feel?

The reason all of this makes me so mad, is that 10 years ago I was the one being called the names, to name a few we had; slut, slag, whore, bitch, fat, ugly, gold digger, witch, tramp, hooker.  I was non of these things, yes I had boyfriends, yes I made bad decisions, but I didn’t deserve that. But I have moved on and learnt to value myself, but after leaving school I saw myself how they saw me, only good for an easy shag, because since I believed them I was ugly and fat. Fast forward 10 years and I am stood in a bar in Harrogate and bump into a guy I knew at school, who although drunk managed to introduce me to his mates, however he introduced me to these friends as “This is Emma, the easiest girl from school” WOW what an introduction. Luckily i have enough wherewithal to just walk away and not hold it against him.

When I asked on my Facebook page and twitter what women thought about the way some women speak to each other I got a range of replies;

” I’m not sure how any of those terms can be endearing, I’ve heard people using some of them in normal language with their friends…I think it’s disgusting! Wouldn’t want someone calling me any of them, in a friendly way or not!” SAH on Facebook

“When I was teaching I had to deal with this a lot (I had a horrible Yr10 form). I think a lot of it stems from America TV and film – they seem to use it there more often and not to the same effect. It’s more of a casual comment. Unfortunately it’s being used on a day-to-day basis now. Personally, I hate it!!” Sophie, Facebook

“Deeply insecure, needing affirmation that they are not like that themselves” from Laura Jane Connor 

However, there were a few who seemed to think it could be said in an endearing way, that they didn’t mean it in a cruel way but that it was almost a pet name, something that I really do not understand.

So I am planning on making sure that those words never leave my lips, whether I am discussing someone I know or not. Instead I plan on saying this to everyone I know – thank you Aibeline Clark for this.

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So seriously let me know what you think, I really want to know!

E x

 

 

Is this the end of a beautiful friendship?

“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

That sums up how I feel about friendship, be in it with your whole heart or not at all.

You see the thing is I, like most girls, spent my teenage years with lots of friends, my closest school friends, Becky, Camilla, Michelle. Then there were my sports friends, Lydia, Hollie and Abi who I spent hours together on weekends in the driving rain playing netball and racing round athletics tracks in the sun, then there were my older friends at college or Uni, Debbie, Jo, Gemma. Looking back on them all it amazes me how few I stay in touch with.

Don’t get me wrong of all those people I’ve been to a couple of weddings, a christening and a smattering of birthdays but in all honesty the majority of the time the friendships simple grew apart, we went to different schools, moved away or went off to Uni.

Thanks to Facebook we stay in touch and chat from time to time, the obligatory Happy Birthday post comes each year. I’m happy with that, close enough to congratulate them on their wedding, birth of first child etc but not people I see every day.

Then there are the friends I’ve made post school, Claire, Liz, Steph, Robyn Amy, Craig, Kris, Matt and Andy the people who have been in my life through the ends of relationships, my travelling and dad dying. They are the people who listened to me whine about being in a crap relationship and then moan about being single, they are the ones who came to say goodbye when I went travelling, they spoil me on my birthday with love as well as gifts, they were there when my dad died. They held my hand and wiped away my tears. I like to think I’ve done the same for them. Parents being ill, miscarriages, divorce, depression, babies being born, losing jobs, losing friends, and through all of it I have loved being their friend, I love being kind to people, I want people to know they can come to me any time. As Ms Austen said I don’t love people by halves, it’s all in for me.

So now I am in a sad situation, a friend, I’ve known for the best part of 10 years has drifted away. There are no replies to texts, no birthday call or text, no nothing. I was there when her baby was born, when her boyfriend left, when she was heartbroken, we’ve run down a beach naked together, got into some questionable yet hilarious scrapes together. Someone I loved without question. And now, nothing.

I’m confused to say the least, don’t get me wrong there are people who are no longer in my life, one specific one that broke my heart, but we ended with a great big bang, a huge over the top fall out, never to really speak again. But somehow this is worse, this slow trickle towards no contact, a noted gap in my life. The thing that makes all of this sting that little more, is she doesn’t seem to have noticed, we have mutual friends and nothing has been mentioned, no one has come to me and told me there is something up, so I must conclude that she is happy for our friendship to fizzle out.

It’s made me think about the whole friendship, like I guess I would with any other relationship, was it ever really a ‘good’ friendship, we’re we ever that close.

This infuriates me, because to me we were, I was there in the middle of the night when her baby wouldn’t settle, I cooked for her when she was ill, I was there for all the moments that matter as well as the daft ones caught on camera.

So I am left in limbo, do I ask her out right? “why don’t you talk to me anymore?”

I didn’t think as a ‘real grown up’ I had to deal with things like this, I thought adult friendships lasted a life time, I thought she would be someone on the plane as we jet off to Vegas for my 30th, she would be there on my wedding day, being totally inappropriate but totally her – but I guess not.

So there you go, the end of another relationship, and once more I am left perplexed and pensive about the whole thing.

And I’ve decided to me it is worse than ending things with a boyfriend, because the saying goes “Boyfriends come and go, friends last a life time” I guess not in this case.

E x

Who am I?

A sightly pensive blog this week -

Since starting this blog, I have sold my business, travelled around America and Canada for 8 weeks, got a ace new job, working with cool creative people, like Martin & Elly & Chloe. Its been rather hectic and in all honesty I haven’t really stopped to think about how things have really changed for me.

It got me to thinking last night, with mum away with the girls in Ibiza, and me just chilling at home with the puppies. I realised that I really don’t lose my temper often anymore, I don’t get excessively involved in things that I don’t need to, and mostly I don’t fight fiercely for things that don’t need or deserve fighting for. In my mind I am at peace, I have dealt with my dads passing so much better, I am still traumatised I’m sure, but although I think about him most hours of most days, the thoughts are no long of his frail body in his final days, but of the fun we had, the places we saw together and the things he taught me. So if nothing came from my time away, I have peace about my dad. And I must tell you, it might not be a movie worthy story line, but coming to a peaceful place in grief is a huge weight off my shoulders.

So that’s the brain sorted…..the body however….

Today I went for a coffee with best mate who has started a new diet and made me think that I really should get a grip of my self and my body and get back to being a person I like seeing in the mirror.

I like doing the FatMumSlim Photo a day challenge and the word of today was ‘strange’ and that is what I see when I see photos of myself these days. I always used to be very confident of my looks, slim, big boobs, tiny waist, huge grin and long dark hair. I don’t wish to sound big headed but looking back now I realise I was a bit of a hotty, isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing.
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I remember a boyfriend of mine offering to sell all his worldly goods so that he could buy me an incredible diamond ring, another flew back from a boys holiday and stood in the rain on my door step professing his undying love for me. These days, no word of a lie, I am lucky to get a second glance walking down the street. This I fear is due to 2 main things, that go hand in hand.

The first is that I have put on 5 stone since then, I was around 10 stone and a size 12, these days I am closer to a 20. Entirely of my own doing, I have no good excuse, I eat too much shit and I don’t move my fat ass often enough. Secondly though and a direct result of being over weight is that I don’t really like being looked at, I don’t really like how I look and I don’t really know when I started not looking like me. But it has happened and it sucks, and honestly, really hurts me deep down.

I know people say that whats in the past is best left there, and usually I agree, however on this point I don’t, I plan on getting my old body back. I plan on wearing skin tight dresses once more, I plan on buying a Chanel quilted bag when I get back to 10 stone. I have printed a picture off of the one that I want and it is stuck next to my mirror with my favourite all time photo of me. As inspiration. I have also started writing affirmations on my bathroom mirror where I do my make up in the morning.

Tomorrow mornings is “you are better than you give yourself credit for”
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So this afternoon I have dyed my hair back to being dark, who was I kidding trying to be a blonde, I am brunette and proud, it seems others think the same since I put the pic on Instagram and Twitter I have had a few really lovely comments, which in turn gives me a huge boost in confidence.
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I have also been shopping and bought gorgeous colourful veg and fruit and plan on eating well, no diet, just really healthy, no crap, no fizzy drinks, no cake, no white carbs. I imagine I may be a little irritable at first, but my plan is to have lost a stone by my birthday Party on 27th October, fancy dress party non the less.

I have also committed myself to 30 mins minimum a day on the bike in the house – together with walking around 3 miles a day with the dogs, I am hoping that it something I can really get into!

I have realised that I needed to bit bottom before I got my act together and did something about not only the way that I look but my attitude towards my body and learning to treat it with a little more respect.

So here’s hoping that in a months time, so only 4 blog posts time I will be well on my way to a stones loss!

I want to thank people ahead of time who I know will be instrumental in me achieving goals, they know who they are. So thank you. And thanks to my inspiration this morning over coffee :-)