No More

When I was a little girl I was told, as I know a lot of girls are, that I was pretty, had beautiful unique eyes, had hair grown women dreamed about, and that I could do anything I wanted with my life. I accepted it because I was told it by the people who loved me.
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Dad & I 

So what happened between then and now. I have the same eyes and the same thick hair, and I am doing everything that I want in life. and yet I struggle.

I struggle with the fact that despite being told throughout my childhood the things I mentioned above, and many more, the only one that I held on to and has shaped me is the one about my ability to do anything I want with my life. I am doing exactly as I wish with my life. Everything I have done in my life has come from me, and yet when I look in the mirror it isn’t my accomplishments I see, it’s the things I think I have failed at.

How come I managed to turn all that positive reinforcement and support about my abilities and capabilities to achieve anything into a real life existence, yet as I sit and write this I am plagued with feelings of inadequacies about my looks that I have led me down a path to being overweight and horribly unfit.

I think that a lot of it stems from the fact that as girls we are taught by the people outside our home life that it’s the things we achieve in school that define us as we age. We are taught in school so that we can continue upwardly through life, to achieve success. In all that though I think certain messages are lost. I don’t think that girls are recognised for their naturally abilities, only those that are taught by others.

Yet as soon as we are grown those wonderful lessons we were taught, the incredible volumes of knowledge we have had imparted onto us over the years fall by the wayside and we are left with an overwhelming feeling of dissatisfaction that no amount of pay rises, promotions and big offices can over quell.

I judge myself based on the viewpoint of others. I only believe I am a good friend, if those around me tell me so. I only believe I am attractive if the people I find attractive find me so. I am only ‘right’ when someone tells me I am.

I don’t know if any of you reading feel this way, if you don’t then apologies, but I have decided in the last 40 minutes, although its been coming for some time, that as long as I am happy with the person I am, what I see in the mirror and my actions towards others then the opinions of others become null and void.

At the beginning of 2013 as the clock stuck midnight I made a promise to myself;

no more

No more trying to be someone else, no more trying to be the best at things that don’t matter and instead focus on the things that do, no more spending time angry that certain people in my life don’t behave the way I think they should, no more despising the reflection I see in the mirror. No More.

Instead here are my 2013 vows (not resolutions)

- I will not stop watching airbrushed american television shows that make me feel bad about how I look. Instead I vow to read more of the authors who inspire me, follow the lives of women who work for the bodies they deserve and find time to work on myself.
- I will not dye my hair over and over again longing for it to be something it never will be. Instead I vow to be kind to it and treat it well and most of all not try to have the looks of someone else, but create looks of my own.
- I will not pay to have plastic stuck to me nails because I think that the best way to have long nails. Instead I vow to grow my nails with patience and treat them well.
- I will not use fake tan or sun beds. Instead I will embrace my beautiful pale skin which I have recently realised actually suits my green eyes and dark hair.
- I will not read more into the tweets, Facebook statuses or other social networking site posts of my friends. Instead I vow to spend time with them; honest time so that when they post arsey snarky posts (which they still will) I will know that its nothing to do with me.
- I will not eat junk food. Instead I will allow myself a treat whenever I wish as long as it’s a small amount and I can justify eating it.
- I will not continue to allow my body to deteriorate. Instead I will exercise for 30 minutes every single day. Be it a brisk dog walk, a dance class, a swim or whatever else I wish.
- I will not see the success of others as a failure in me. Instead I will celebrate success with them and strive harder to focus on my aims and goals and not take my eye off them.

love what you do

Finally I will not deny myself any experience, opportunity or emotion. Instead I will go through life open-minded, honestly and with every intention of becoming the greatest version of myself possible.

Would love to know what you feel about this?

E x

PS don’t forget you can still enter my Instant Print business card giveaway 

Is it just me?

I love quotes; motivational, thought-provoking, compassionate or funny. I am a fan of them all.

Want to know what I’m not a fan of? Over use and under action. I’m one of those people who actually take heed of the quotes and find something within them to take with me either on a day-to-day basis or when I’m in need of a little support.

However, recently the likes of Facebook, twitter and Instagram have been littered with quotes, flippantly used, put out into the world, copied and pasted and I’m not sure of the reason people post them?!

Think one of the ones that really pushed me over the edge recently and prompted this rant, appeared on the blog header of a beauty blogger.

Roosevelt Quote

I’m sure when Roosevelt was standing up for an end to racial segmentation, or pushing for the US to join the United Nations or maybe when she sat in the first seat of United Nations Commission on Human Rights she wasn’t thinking this quote would be used to promote a beauty blog! To say the blogger has entirely missed the crux of the quote is potentially the biggest understatement possible. It infuriates me, maybe it shouldn’t, but Lordy does it!

It’s not just the misuse of the quotes, but the incessant use of them, the plastering of them everywhere, and the lack of follow through. I’m not saying that every time you write something inspiring that you must run with steely determination to accomplish something on the back of the quote, but surely by putting them into the world without action you are slowly diluting their message.

I think more what infuriates me is the lack of action, if you are so inspired by the forceful thought-provoking words of the past why are you just posting them on Facebook, why aren’t you acting on them.

So I will share my favourite quote, I hold dear to me and act on, most if not all days.

“Everything will be alright in the end, if it isn’t alright, if it isn’t alright it isn’t the end”

Everything alright in the end

Yes I know it’s not the most powerful of quotes, but as I watched my mum sink further into depression and grief at the loss of the love of her life I searched for comfort for both of us. This seemed to appear out of the blue at the perfect time, on the front of a greeting card. But it helped, it helped me know that if I carried on helping, doing what I was then mum would pull through. Because when it comes down to it, the thought of reality is far more scary than the reality itself.

It’s a great few lines to carry with you in life. To remember that however awful something feels, however difficult, it will pass; things might not be the same, but they will be OK.

So do you have a favourite quote? One you hold dear?

E x

PS don’t forget about my Instantprint giveaway – open for another 5 days!

Sunday Social

Today marks the start of my Sunday Social – they will be posts about the lovely places I have been and the gorgeous food I have eaten. I wrote a post about Baltzersens in Harrogate last year and it’s inspired the Sunday Social, because lets face it there is nothing better on a Sunday afternoon than perfect food and company.

Today’s post is all about Orchid, the beautiful adored Thai restaurant within the boutique Studley Hotel on Swan Road in Harrogate. I spent 3 gorgeous hours with my favourite second family, Amanda, Tim, Luke, Harry & Chloe have been in my life since the kids were tiny, in Harry and Chloe’s case before they were born! To sit with Luke, 17 whilst he has a beer and we chat about Uni makes me feel ancient, but at the same time so lovely to have been a part of his life for so long.

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The beautiful Studley Hotel

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The stunning private room we ate lunch in 

This restaurant is regarded as one of the best in town, it is full booked most weekends of most weeks throughout the year, but for me the absolute best time to go is Sunday Lunch.

I bet you have all been to an all-you-can eat, but I bet you have never been to an all-you-can eat like this before. The food is just incredible, the blend of Thai and Pan-Asian flavours and textures, just divine. Unlike a lot of buffets, the Orchids buffet offers the best of the main dinner menu.

Included in the starters section of the buffet are the incredible succulent duck pancakes, light tempura vegetables, a sharp and creamy cucumber and avocado salad. I followed that by the beautiful Red Duck Curry, jammed packed with roasted duck, pineapple, lime leaves and sweet basil, paired with the aromatic rice and spicy soft noodles.

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I cannot describe how beautiful the food at Orchid is, it’s also a wonderful place to people spot as Sunday Buffet seems to bring out the who’s who of Harrogate.

You can also indulge in some wonderful beer from all over Asia, includes Singapore’s Tiger, Singha from Thailand and my favourite Tsingtao which hails from China. There is also nothing more scrummy that a glass of ice cold Rose to cut through the rich Thai curries and to cool the palette after the chili ginger beef.

It’s a great date night place if you are out to impress and with the beautiful hotel attached its easy to make a weekend of it, walk off all the food and booze in the Valley Gardens afterwards.

Would love to know what your favourite restaurants in the area are, then I can add them to my ‘To Visit’ list and for my Social Sunday in the future.

E x

I’m Sorry…

january

Dear January,

I am writing to confess. I’ve been a bad person.

First and foremost let me apologise. I have been so cruel to you in the past. I have bitched behind your back, I have wished you never existed and I have wanted to leave you behind.

But you stood by me, you held fast and showed me how wrong I truly was.

So, January I would like to take these few hundred words to thank you.

Thank you for providing the big wigs at television HQ with a needy and wanting audience, as such we are indulged in the wonderful drama of Ripper Street, the whimsical wonderland of Mr Selfridge and the insatiably addictive Girls.

january

Thank you for giving us a fresh start, for offering us a plain piece of paper and the chance to start anew. A literal clean sheet in the form of a new dairy or calendar – the horizon before us is now clear to be filled with wonder and amazement.

Thank you for giving us the hideously bitterly cold weather which means being allowed to have the heating on longer, allows us to unashamedly wear onsies and drink too much hot chocolate.

Thank you for the plethora of inspiration you give to magazines and newspapers, without you January there would be no “fad diet”

So here is my promise January, I promise to be kind to you, to think of you often and to speak only good things when people enquire as to how you are.

So here’s to you January!

All my love

Emma x
January lover!

P.S I will be posting every day in February. Every post will be at least 300 words. I will be taking requests if you want me to write about something, review something etc

So that’s it, that simple

My Match Weekiversary!

My match.com ‘weekiversary’ has passed and I must say after Mr Shadow Penis things are beginning to look up!

week

I must firstly inform you though of the delightful creature who appeared in my inbox late last week. Beautiful doesn’t begin to describe him, handsome movie star good looks and witty banter, I thought hello! I’m on to a winner here.

Fast forward around 3 hours and I’ve learnt that although he is a barrister day-to-day, in the evenings he is a ‘butler in the buff’ what joy I thought! However things took a kooky turn when he informed me that he doesn’t wear an apron when he does it, and usually it’s just one on one with a woman. Now I am not a prude by any means, but surely to you dear readers that seems a little…odd?

With further probing I discover that actually if he had it his way he would be naked all the time and finds that it’s the best way to get to know someone! But “rest assured” he said, you don’t need to be naked on our first date. Phew!

So the date is booked with Mr Naked Lawyer and I guess I’l just have to see what happens. Oh did I also mention he sent me a run down of what I can expect from our first five dates…I’l share a little with you!

“Date 1 – I will be naked, you may not be. I will allow kissing without tongues and light fondling

Date 2 – I will be naked you are more than welcome to be in underwear but not naked. You may pleasure yourself as may I but you may not touch me. I can ejaculate on your body”

Now I’m all up for fondling and all the rest, just not sure I need it scheduled in like a dentists check up?! As a very good friend said… it’s all a little Christian Grey.

Mr Naked seemed to spark some flash of change on the site, suddenly I decided that I should just be bold and email guys I liked the look of, my male friends are always saying women should be more forward. I’m pleased to tell you they’re right!

So as it stands I have a date with a reconstructive surgeon from here on known as Dr Slick, a guitar teacher from Leeds now known as Mr Stratocaster and am chatting with a guy who we’ll call Mr Potential.

Don’t worry il be keeping you up to date on the courting as and when they happen.

Until then! Happy Thursday

E x

You are not alone this Christmas

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So this is a slightly different post from me, I came across it on Kellie’s blog Big Fashionista  - and decided that I would share as well.

I am lucky enough to be spending Christmas around people who I love and who love me back, I will be safe and warm and have everything I could want.

So many of us take our families for granted at Christmas. We assume that we’ll spend 3 or 4 days visiting and receiving guests, and in some cases bemoan this fact.

Please take some time this season to remember those who may not have visitors, who may be feeling low or alone. If you have neighbors who are alone this Christmas  pop your head in to say hello, take round some chocolates and spend a little time with them.

And if you are feeling alone this year, there are people ready and waiting to talk with you.

This list was compiled by the lovely Kellie at www.bigfashionista.co.uk

MIND http://www.mind.org.uk 0300 123 3393

Samaritans http://www.samaritans.org 08457 90 90 90

Alcoholics Anonymous http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/newcomers 0845 769 7555

Stonewall http://www.stonewall.org.uk Info line 08000 50 20 20

London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard 0207 837 7324

SANELine http://www.sane.org.uk 0845 767 8000

Preventing young suicide http://www.papyrus-uk.org For people in Northern Irelandhttp://www.lifeline.info 0808 808 8000

Childline http://www.childline.org.uk 0800 1111

Depression alliance http://www.depressionalliance.org

Refuge http://www.refuge.org.uk 0808 2000 247

Eating Disorders Association http://www.edauk.com 0845 634 1414

Shelter http://www.shelter.org.uk 0808 800 4444

NHS Direct http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk 0845 4647

No Panic http://www.no-panic.co.uk 0808 808 0545

Please don’t suffer alone, these people are waiting to answer your call.

Bitch, Slut, Whore….

Slut; an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute.

Whore; a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse, usually for money

Dear Readers I need your help – could someone please tell me when it became acceptable to call other women & girls ‘SLUT’ ‘WHORE’ ‘SLAG’? Now may I just preface this by saying I know this isn’t a new occurrence in the world, and yes I have in the past passed judgement on a stranger without having any rights to. But it seems to me that all of this has now got out of hand. Worst of all it’s not coming from guys about girls, its girls about girls.

In the last 3 weeks I have seen 5 of my friends on Facebook discuss a girl we all went to school with, the said girl is dating one of the ‘mean girls’ ex boyfriends and they have all taken to bad mouthing this girl so badly on Facebook that I have noticed this morning she has deactivated her account. Now it cannot be coincidence that as the ‘mean girls’ were ripping strips of this girl, she decided to leave Facebook.

These girls; note I say girls and not women, as I can only see this behavior as that of people who aren’t grown up enough to be a touch more eloquent; I get that they feel they are protecting their recently dumped friend, but let me make something crystal clear, the aggressive attention should not be focused on the new girlfriend, but on the ex boyfriend surely. Did the new GF even know the guy when he was with his ex? We have been out of school 10 years and yet this feels a lot like it did when I was when I was 17. The difference now is that it’s not just friends on her Facebook  maybe work colleagues or family. It’s not isolated to the school common room like it was in 2002, now its out there for the whole world to see.

Even more upsetting that the 27-year-old girls behaving like school bullies is the recent increase in status’ of friends nieces and nephews and cousins of mine; suddenly it seems to be the norm to call their friends ‘Slag’. When I asked my cousin about this she said “I don’t get it really, but I don’t want to be the only one not doing it, so I do.”  This makes me so sad, I wanted to shake her and make her see the harm that she might be doing not only to herself but to her female and male friends. What chance do her female friends have of growing up and valuing themselves if their friends call them these awful names, even if only in jest. And the guys, what about them? Will they grow into the kind of guys who call the women in their life their ‘bitches’ ‘hoes’ or ‘birds’? Will they understand the way it makes those girls feel?

The reason all of this makes me so mad, is that 10 years ago I was the one being called the names, to name a few we had; slut, slag, whore, bitch, fat, ugly, gold digger, witch, tramp, hooker.  I was non of these things, yes I had boyfriends, yes I made bad decisions, but I didn’t deserve that. But I have moved on and learnt to value myself, but after leaving school I saw myself how they saw me, only good for an easy shag, because since I believed them I was ugly and fat. Fast forward 10 years and I am stood in a bar in Harrogate and bump into a guy I knew at school, who although drunk managed to introduce me to his mates, however he introduced me to these friends as “This is Emma, the easiest girl from school” WOW what an introduction. Luckily i have enough wherewithal to just walk away and not hold it against him.

When I asked on my Facebook page and twitter what women thought about the way some women speak to each other I got a range of replies;

” I’m not sure how any of those terms can be endearing, I’ve heard people using some of them in normal language with their friends…I think it’s disgusting! Wouldn’t want someone calling me any of them, in a friendly way or not!” SAH on Facebook

“When I was teaching I had to deal with this a lot (I had a horrible Yr10 form). I think a lot of it stems from America TV and film – they seem to use it there more often and not to the same effect. It’s more of a casual comment. Unfortunately it’s being used on a day-to-day basis now. Personally, I hate it!!” Sophie, Facebook

“Deeply insecure, needing affirmation that they are not like that themselves” from Laura Jane Connor 

However, there were a few who seemed to think it could be said in an endearing way, that they didn’t mean it in a cruel way but that it was almost a pet name, something that I really do not understand.

So I am planning on making sure that those words never leave my lips, whether I am discussing someone I know or not. Instead I plan on saying this to everyone I know – thank you Aibeline Clark for this.

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So seriously let me know what you think, I really want to know!

E x

 

 

Let’s talk about sex….baby!

Yes that’s right, SEX!

Perfect morning sex, saturday afternoon sex on the sofa, falling in drunk from a night out sex and especially an unexpected quickie in the shower. I hear what you are thinking, what a lucky girl getting all that perfectly marvellous sex, well I have to tell you that couldn’t be further from the truth. But just because I am currently on a sex sabbatical does not mean that I cannot indulge in past times.

As I am sure all of you, especially those who read this blog or follow me on twitter, will know that I am extremely single. Sadly not your magazine or movie worthy single where you can cut to scenes of me dancing the night away with a handsome artist in an underground salsa club or galavanting all over a sun drenched city. Rather it sees me working, walking the dogs and out on the occasional night out ending with me alone in my own in bed usually watching an episode of Inspector Lewis. Hot or what!

Although I must admit there are of course upsides to being single that include, getting control over the remote, being able to sleep in the middle of the bed and of course no compromising over the weekend plans.

There are downsides too, and recently these have become more apparent due to my now excessive single-ness! Those downsides include, no one to snuggle up to when watching a movie, having to trap spiders myself, and no one to kiss at midnight on New Years Eve, but I must admit something to you all and that is this, sex is the thing I miss the most.

I know, I know I’m a modern woman and I could go out and have sex with some hot random guy I meet on a night out, which believe me in the past I have done, and in fact massively enjoyed, so much so they make up around 40% of my ‘List’. Sadly though I think I have been out of the sex game for too long now.

Unfortunately despite all of my best interests my mini flings tend to be more like Lena Dunham in girls

than Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct!

And I have to tell you the worst of it is the moment you wake slightly furry of mouth and head, blurry eyes trying desperately to confirm your location and the body next to you. Never is it like the movies, never does it lead to breakfast in a quaint coffee shop, mostly it leads to a horrific 20 minutes of trying to remove my arm from under him, then making enough noise to wake him and work out how the hell I get the man who currently looks much more like Wayne Rooney than David Beckham out of my house. Don’t get me wrong I did that, numerous times for numerous years, although mostly with achingly gorgeous chaps. But the novelty has worn off and I think if I am completely honest I wouldn’t even know where to begin with the whole one night stand game. So I have bowed out into early retirement.

But this leaves me between a rock and hard place (or lack there of) no boyfriend to do the no pants dance with and no chance of me going out and clubbing me a man to drag back to my cave.

Suddenly I realised that if nothing else a relationship would at least offer me the joy of guaranteed sex, so gleefully I signed up to eHarmony. A word of warning, don’t do it ladies! Unless of course what you are after is a drip who lives at home and lists his interests as “reading books and eating cereal” that was his entire “likes and interests” section! Or maybe you would like a science teacher who asked me how I felt about being “an experiment” hmmmmm il pass thanks.

People keep telling me that if I stop looking “he” will find me, however I’m not sure he could find me, since I spent most of my life at work, walking the hounds dressed as a bag lady, or at home in bed watching Breaking Bad or Homeland. But there maybe is the issue, maybe I need to as Charlotte says in SATC “put myself out there” but please tell me you lucky folks having all this sex. Where is “out there”? Seriously I’d love to know! Because there are people in my life who appear to be having more sex than I am having hot meals with a plethora of chaps, I feel a little like the last kid to get picked for the team in PE!

So tonight lovelies do me a favour, no matter how tired, grumpy etc you are, have sex, grateful sex, because you don’t know how lucky you are!

Yours sincerely

Single & Shagless

E x

30 ish before I’m 30 ish!

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Sure you have all seen loads of these lists before, well here is mine!

However I am missing 8 things, and would love suggestions for things you all think I should do!? Can be as daft as you like but you have to have done it yourself so recommending me to do it!

Cannot wait to see what you all think!

I will of course be documenting some of these things on here, so the better you make the suggestion the better the blog post!

So the current 22 are here – some I have already completed as I wrote this when I was 21! Not bad for 6 years!

- move into my own house
- earn 30k
- fall in love
- learn to play guitar
- take photography course
- run half marathon
- be on tv
- speak in front of 500+ people
- be in a stage production
- learn Italian
- spend a whole 48 hours technology free
- pay off my credit card
- sky dive – done
– own my own business – done
– work in America – done
– travel to Canada – done
- see every movie on 100 films to see before you die
- get a dog – done
- kiss a girl
- trend on twitter
- interview someone incredible for my blog
- get back into my size 12 jeans

So need 8 more…….

It’s over to you all lovelies – you can comment on here, tweet me @emglobetrotter

Excited to see what you all think I should do!

E x

Is this the end of a beautiful friendship?

“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

That sums up how I feel about friendship, be in it with your whole heart or not at all.

You see the thing is I, like most girls, spent my teenage years with lots of friends, my closest school friends, Becky, Camilla, Michelle. Then there were my sports friends, Lydia, Hollie and Abi who I spent hours together on weekends in the driving rain playing netball and racing round athletics tracks in the sun, then there were my older friends at college or Uni, Debbie, Jo, Gemma. Looking back on them all it amazes me how few I stay in touch with.

Don’t get me wrong of all those people I’ve been to a couple of weddings, a christening and a smattering of birthdays but in all honesty the majority of the time the friendships simple grew apart, we went to different schools, moved away or went off to Uni.

Thanks to Facebook we stay in touch and chat from time to time, the obligatory Happy Birthday post comes each year. I’m happy with that, close enough to congratulate them on their wedding, birth of first child etc but not people I see every day.

Then there are the friends I’ve made post school, Claire, Liz, Steph, Robyn Amy, Craig, Kris, Matt and Andy the people who have been in my life through the ends of relationships, my travelling and dad dying. They are the people who listened to me whine about being in a crap relationship and then moan about being single, they are the ones who came to say goodbye when I went travelling, they spoil me on my birthday with love as well as gifts, they were there when my dad died. They held my hand and wiped away my tears. I like to think I’ve done the same for them. Parents being ill, miscarriages, divorce, depression, babies being born, losing jobs, losing friends, and through all of it I have loved being their friend, I love being kind to people, I want people to know they can come to me any time. As Ms Austen said I don’t love people by halves, it’s all in for me.

So now I am in a sad situation, a friend, I’ve known for the best part of 10 years has drifted away. There are no replies to texts, no birthday call or text, no nothing. I was there when her baby was born, when her boyfriend left, when she was heartbroken, we’ve run down a beach naked together, got into some questionable yet hilarious scrapes together. Someone I loved without question. And now, nothing.

I’m confused to say the least, don’t get me wrong there are people who are no longer in my life, one specific one that broke my heart, but we ended with a great big bang, a huge over the top fall out, never to really speak again. But somehow this is worse, this slow trickle towards no contact, a noted gap in my life. The thing that makes all of this sting that little more, is she doesn’t seem to have noticed, we have mutual friends and nothing has been mentioned, no one has come to me and told me there is something up, so I must conclude that she is happy for our friendship to fizzle out.

It’s made me think about the whole friendship, like I guess I would with any other relationship, was it ever really a ‘good’ friendship, we’re we ever that close.

This infuriates me, because to me we were, I was there in the middle of the night when her baby wouldn’t settle, I cooked for her when she was ill, I was there for all the moments that matter as well as the daft ones caught on camera.

So I am left in limbo, do I ask her out right? “why don’t you talk to me anymore?”

I didn’t think as a ‘real grown up’ I had to deal with things like this, I thought adult friendships lasted a life time, I thought she would be someone on the plane as we jet off to Vegas for my 30th, she would be there on my wedding day, being totally inappropriate but totally her – but I guess not.

So there you go, the end of another relationship, and once more I am left perplexed and pensive about the whole thing.

And I’ve decided to me it is worse than ending things with a boyfriend, because the saying goes “Boyfriends come and go, friends last a life time” I guess not in this case.

E x