Is it the end of the world as we know it?

On Sunday night after a lovely weekend, I sat with two of my favourite people, full of gorgeous food and settled down to watch a movie ‘Seeking a friend for the end of the world’ a wonderful Steve Carrel and Kiera Knightly indie movie about the last 3 weeks on earth.

For those of you who don’t know about the Mayans, they see December 21, 2012 as the completion of the Great Mayan Cycle, and the beginning of a New World Age. They believed it was an “invitation to all of humanity to open themselves up to imagining, envisioning and actualizing the possibilities of gradual, positive transformation of our human culture in harmony with the Earth”. As we internally align with this grand shifting of cycles we can contribute our personal inspiration and commitment to being part of this collective transformation. Some people believe they meant an apocalypse, others that’s it’s simply the end of a life cycle. It isn’t something I really thought about until I was sitting with Amy and she told me how much it freaks her out thinking about it.

It got me to thinking, if we do only have 31 days left, what would I want to do with them, what would I want to say to the people I love, where would I want to be when the world ends. Once home last night, whilst painting my nails and listening to my ‘ultimate playlist’ I thought back over the 27 years I’ve been on this earth and to be honest, if the world was to end I could say I have had a hell of a life.

So here are my top 5 things in my life, along with pictures.

1 – March 2010 -Langar Airfield, Nottinghamshire

I jumped out of a plane, as someone who dislikes planes and heights it was both physically and mentally demanding, but knowing that I was raising money for Orchid Cancer Care.

2 – owned my own business, The Bespoke Cupcake Company – started in my kitchen at home making cupcakes for my dad whilst he was going through Chemo; it turned into a huge business that I was very proud of.

3 – My dad, every single picture of dad and I is more precious now that they are all I have left of him.

4 – Getting NAKED for charity. That’s right if you didn’t know then let me tell you. On a sunny but chilly day in August 2010 I stood ont he banks of a fishing lake at Plumpton Rocks near Harrogate and this photo was taken to be part of the Domestic Bliss Calendar to raise money for Teenage Cancer Trust
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5 – Getting amazing results in my GCSE’s – not expected at all, and they set me up for the rest of my life

Now I’m not saying the world will end, I’ve bought presents so to be honest it had best not! But it has given me a little time to reflect on the life I have had, and how grateful I am for the people I have, places I’ve been and things I’ve seen. So maybe in the next 31 days take a little time out to be grateful for the life you have had, and have now. Try to just be positive, see how the moments of your life have led you to exactly where you are; stood, sat, laid, wherever you are.

Think about it

E x

Is this the end of a beautiful friendship?

“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

That sums up how I feel about friendship, be in it with your whole heart or not at all.

You see the thing is I, like most girls, spent my teenage years with lots of friends, my closest school friends, Becky, Camilla, Michelle. Then there were my sports friends, Lydia, Hollie and Abi who I spent hours together on weekends in the driving rain playing netball and racing round athletics tracks in the sun, then there were my older friends at college or Uni, Debbie, Jo, Gemma. Looking back on them all it amazes me how few I stay in touch with.

Don’t get me wrong of all those people I’ve been to a couple of weddings, a christening and a smattering of birthdays but in all honesty the majority of the time the friendships simple grew apart, we went to different schools, moved away or went off to Uni.

Thanks to Facebook we stay in touch and chat from time to time, the obligatory Happy Birthday post comes each year. I’m happy with that, close enough to congratulate them on their wedding, birth of first child etc but not people I see every day.

Then there are the friends I’ve made post school, Claire, Liz, Steph, Robyn Amy, Craig, Kris, Matt and Andy the people who have been in my life through the ends of relationships, my travelling and dad dying. They are the people who listened to me whine about being in a crap relationship and then moan about being single, they are the ones who came to say goodbye when I went travelling, they spoil me on my birthday with love as well as gifts, they were there when my dad died. They held my hand and wiped away my tears. I like to think I’ve done the same for them. Parents being ill, miscarriages, divorce, depression, babies being born, losing jobs, losing friends, and through all of it I have loved being their friend, I love being kind to people, I want people to know they can come to me any time. As Ms Austen said I don’t love people by halves, it’s all in for me.

So now I am in a sad situation, a friend, I’ve known for the best part of 10 years has drifted away. There are no replies to texts, no birthday call or text, no nothing. I was there when her baby was born, when her boyfriend left, when she was heartbroken, we’ve run down a beach naked together, got into some questionable yet hilarious scrapes together. Someone I loved without question. And now, nothing.

I’m confused to say the least, don’t get me wrong there are people who are no longer in my life, one specific one that broke my heart, but we ended with a great big bang, a huge over the top fall out, never to really speak again. But somehow this is worse, this slow trickle towards no contact, a noted gap in my life. The thing that makes all of this sting that little more, is she doesn’t seem to have noticed, we have mutual friends and nothing has been mentioned, no one has come to me and told me there is something up, so I must conclude that she is happy for our friendship to fizzle out.

It’s made me think about the whole friendship, like I guess I would with any other relationship, was it ever really a ‘good’ friendship, we’re we ever that close.

This infuriates me, because to me we were, I was there in the middle of the night when her baby wouldn’t settle, I cooked for her when she was ill, I was there for all the moments that matter as well as the daft ones caught on camera.

So I am left in limbo, do I ask her out right? “why don’t you talk to me anymore?”

I didn’t think as a ‘real grown up’ I had to deal with things like this, I thought adult friendships lasted a life time, I thought she would be someone on the plane as we jet off to Vegas for my 30th, she would be there on my wedding day, being totally inappropriate but totally her – but I guess not.

So there you go, the end of another relationship, and once more I am left perplexed and pensive about the whole thing.

And I’ve decided to me it is worse than ending things with a boyfriend, because the saying goes “Boyfriends come and go, friends last a life time” I guess not in this case.

E x