The road to slim…

Afternoon lovely readers!

So this is a completely self-indulgent post, or at least more so that my usual ramblings post.

Its simply about me!

Some of you will know, well all of you if you read the blog, that I am somewhat harsh on myself when it comes to my body and image. However today has marked a real achievement, I have lost just shy of 2 stone. Not only am I lighter, I am also healthier, happier and an all round nicer person to be around.

Its been easy to be honest, eat better and move more. I decided I would exercise for 30 minutes a day, which I have managed to do, bar a few days of horrid flu-ness. I have used MyFitnessPal to record every single thing that I eat & drink, no pretending or lying just honest. Its amazing the effect really thinking about the foods you eat has on your life. I never thought I would forgo biscuits for fruit or bread for salad, but there you have it!

Thanks to some lovelies at work telling me how ace I look today I decided to foray into the world of fashion posts. Thanks to Amy for her wonderful location ideas and photography skills. So here we go, the girl who hates full body pictures, in all her glory!


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My dress is from ASOS  and is a gorgeous jersey swing dress, teamed with my Primark faux-fur gilet, slouchy black knee-high Carvella boots and of course my obligatory Micheal Kors rose gold watch. Below I even braved it without my gilet! Note my knees are also visible!


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So it’s a simple post, just to reward myself for feeling awesome about how I look. I have a fair way to go to get to my goal, but I am on my way and that feels as awesome as I am sure reaching my goal will be. 

I had to include this picture – I feel like a superhero!

superhero me

I want to thank those of you who have been ace and supportive and made me yummy healthy tea when I have been to see them, to my mum for being ace and doing it with me! Who has herself lost an ace amount of weight before she heads of on her epic trip (more of that later)

So here’s to the next 2 stone and the rest of my life

E x

No More

When I was a little girl I was told, as I know a lot of girls are, that I was pretty, had beautiful unique eyes, had hair grown women dreamed about, and that I could do anything I wanted with my life. I accepted it because I was told it by the people who loved me.
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Dad & I 

So what happened between then and now. I have the same eyes and the same thick hair, and I am doing everything that I want in life. and yet I struggle.

I struggle with the fact that despite being told throughout my childhood the things I mentioned above, and many more, the only one that I held on to and has shaped me is the one about my ability to do anything I want with my life. I am doing exactly as I wish with my life. Everything I have done in my life has come from me, and yet when I look in the mirror it isn’t my accomplishments I see, it’s the things I think I have failed at.

How come I managed to turn all that positive reinforcement and support about my abilities and capabilities to achieve anything into a real life existence, yet as I sit and write this I am plagued with feelings of inadequacies about my looks that I have led me down a path to being overweight and horribly unfit.

I think that a lot of it stems from the fact that as girls we are taught by the people outside our home life that it’s the things we achieve in school that define us as we age. We are taught in school so that we can continue upwardly through life, to achieve success. In all that though I think certain messages are lost. I don’t think that girls are recognised for their naturally abilities, only those that are taught by others.

Yet as soon as we are grown those wonderful lessons we were taught, the incredible volumes of knowledge we have had imparted onto us over the years fall by the wayside and we are left with an overwhelming feeling of dissatisfaction that no amount of pay rises, promotions and big offices can over quell.

I judge myself based on the viewpoint of others. I only believe I am a good friend, if those around me tell me so. I only believe I am attractive if the people I find attractive find me so. I am only ‘right’ when someone tells me I am.

I don’t know if any of you reading feel this way, if you don’t then apologies, but I have decided in the last 40 minutes, although its been coming for some time, that as long as I am happy with the person I am, what I see in the mirror and my actions towards others then the opinions of others become null and void.

At the beginning of 2013 as the clock stuck midnight I made a promise to myself;

no more

No more trying to be someone else, no more trying to be the best at things that don’t matter and instead focus on the things that do, no more spending time angry that certain people in my life don’t behave the way I think they should, no more despising the reflection I see in the mirror. No More.

Instead here are my 2013 vows (not resolutions)

- I will not stop watching airbrushed american television shows that make me feel bad about how I look. Instead I vow to read more of the authors who inspire me, follow the lives of women who work for the bodies they deserve and find time to work on myself.
- I will not dye my hair over and over again longing for it to be something it never will be. Instead I vow to be kind to it and treat it well and most of all not try to have the looks of someone else, but create looks of my own.
- I will not pay to have plastic stuck to me nails because I think that the best way to have long nails. Instead I vow to grow my nails with patience and treat them well.
- I will not use fake tan or sun beds. Instead I will embrace my beautiful pale skin which I have recently realised actually suits my green eyes and dark hair.
- I will not read more into the tweets, Facebook statuses or other social networking site posts of my friends. Instead I vow to spend time with them; honest time so that when they post arsey snarky posts (which they still will) I will know that its nothing to do with me.
- I will not eat junk food. Instead I will allow myself a treat whenever I wish as long as it’s a small amount and I can justify eating it.
- I will not continue to allow my body to deteriorate. Instead I will exercise for 30 minutes every single day. Be it a brisk dog walk, a dance class, a swim or whatever else I wish.
- I will not see the success of others as a failure in me. Instead I will celebrate success with them and strive harder to focus on my aims and goals and not take my eye off them.

love what you do

Finally I will not deny myself any experience, opportunity or emotion. Instead I will go through life open-minded, honestly and with every intention of becoming the greatest version of myself possible.

Would love to know what you feel about this?

E x

PS don’t forget you can still enter my Instant Print business card giveaway 

Is it just me?

I love quotes; motivational, thought-provoking, compassionate or funny. I am a fan of them all.

Want to know what I’m not a fan of? Over use and under action. I’m one of those people who actually take heed of the quotes and find something within them to take with me either on a day-to-day basis or when I’m in need of a little support.

However, recently the likes of Facebook, twitter and Instagram have been littered with quotes, flippantly used, put out into the world, copied and pasted and I’m not sure of the reason people post them?!

Think one of the ones that really pushed me over the edge recently and prompted this rant, appeared on the blog header of a beauty blogger.

Roosevelt Quote

I’m sure when Roosevelt was standing up for an end to racial segmentation, or pushing for the US to join the United Nations or maybe when she sat in the first seat of United Nations Commission on Human Rights she wasn’t thinking this quote would be used to promote a beauty blog! To say the blogger has entirely missed the crux of the quote is potentially the biggest understatement possible. It infuriates me, maybe it shouldn’t, but Lordy does it!

It’s not just the misuse of the quotes, but the incessant use of them, the plastering of them everywhere, and the lack of follow through. I’m not saying that every time you write something inspiring that you must run with steely determination to accomplish something on the back of the quote, but surely by putting them into the world without action you are slowly diluting their message.

I think more what infuriates me is the lack of action, if you are so inspired by the forceful thought-provoking words of the past why are you just posting them on Facebook, why aren’t you acting on them.

So I will share my favourite quote, I hold dear to me and act on, most if not all days.

“Everything will be alright in the end, if it isn’t alright, if it isn’t alright it isn’t the end”

Everything alright in the end

Yes I know it’s not the most powerful of quotes, but as I watched my mum sink further into depression and grief at the loss of the love of her life I searched for comfort for both of us. This seemed to appear out of the blue at the perfect time, on the front of a greeting card. But it helped, it helped me know that if I carried on helping, doing what I was then mum would pull through. Because when it comes down to it, the thought of reality is far more scary than the reality itself.

It’s a great few lines to carry with you in life. To remember that however awful something feels, however difficult, it will pass; things might not be the same, but they will be OK.

So do you have a favourite quote? One you hold dear?

E x

PS don’t forget about my Instantprint giveaway – open for another 5 days!

My Match Weekiversary!

My match.com ‘weekiversary’ has passed and I must say after Mr Shadow Penis things are beginning to look up!

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I must firstly inform you though of the delightful creature who appeared in my inbox late last week. Beautiful doesn’t begin to describe him, handsome movie star good looks and witty banter, I thought hello! I’m on to a winner here.

Fast forward around 3 hours and I’ve learnt that although he is a barrister day-to-day, in the evenings he is a ‘butler in the buff’ what joy I thought! However things took a kooky turn when he informed me that he doesn’t wear an apron when he does it, and usually it’s just one on one with a woman. Now I am not a prude by any means, but surely to you dear readers that seems a little…odd?

With further probing I discover that actually if he had it his way he would be naked all the time and finds that it’s the best way to get to know someone! But “rest assured” he said, you don’t need to be naked on our first date. Phew!

So the date is booked with Mr Naked Lawyer and I guess I’l just have to see what happens. Oh did I also mention he sent me a run down of what I can expect from our first five dates…I’l share a little with you!

“Date 1 – I will be naked, you may not be. I will allow kissing without tongues and light fondling

Date 2 – I will be naked you are more than welcome to be in underwear but not naked. You may pleasure yourself as may I but you may not touch me. I can ejaculate on your body”

Now I’m all up for fondling and all the rest, just not sure I need it scheduled in like a dentists check up?! As a very good friend said… it’s all a little Christian Grey.

Mr Naked seemed to spark some flash of change on the site, suddenly I decided that I should just be bold and email guys I liked the look of, my male friends are always saying women should be more forward. I’m pleased to tell you they’re right!

So as it stands I have a date with a reconstructive surgeon from here on known as Dr Slick, a guitar teacher from Leeds now known as Mr Stratocaster and am chatting with a guy who we’ll call Mr Potential.

Don’t worry il be keeping you up to date on the courting as and when they happen.

Until then! Happy Thursday

E x

4 days down….27 to go!

4 down

So if you read my initial post about match.com earlier this week you will know that I am on a months trial of the site to see if it can boost my 3.5 year stalemate.

I come with tidings of hilarity and horror! Prepare yourself!

It was all going so well, over 100 views of my profile, 37 winks and 14 chaps chatting to me, I was thrilled. I totally understood the benefit of online dating, in the whole 3.5 years of being single I didn’t get a percentage of the attention I have had on the site.

However, as is always the way, things never do run smoothly in my life. So let me begin with some of the delights on the site, how about the 2 guys on there from Harrogate, who I know have girlfriends who have been ‘active’ on the site in the last few days…hmmm interesting! Then there are the guys who appear to have taken their profile pictures in the dirtiest mirror in the world, or decided that the picture where they are one of 30 people is a suitable one to attract attention. But I think the highlight in terms of profile picture goes to this chap – whose face I have blurred out for legal reasons! But if you are brave have a little look down at the bottom right hand corner……

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Not sure there is much I can say about that! And for the record that’s his profile image, not something he sent me!

But in all of this I think that the most disturbing has to be the guy who asked me out, we made great plans to go to comedy club, he was witty and we have similar interests. We should have been going on our first date tonight, but yesterday the very exciting opportunity to go to Opera North to see Otello came about thanks to Culture Vultures (I will be blogging about this in the next few days); sadly that meant I had to email mikey78 and let him know that we would have to rearrange. The email was a sweet one, his response ..not so much!

He called me most names you can think of including, a cock-tease (not sure he knows what this actually is) bitch and self indulgent. He was even less amused when I responded telling him that we wouldn’t be rearranging the date!

He topped that though, he went straight to Match and reported me as a fake profile! Cue and interesting few emails from Match. In fairness they were really great and understood my frustration with the whole matter.

So all in all an interesting first 4 days on the site. However I will continue with a positive mental attitude and as always humour.  Even if I don’t find love, I am finding a whole world of stuff to blog about!

You can follow the day to day tweetings at @emglobetrotter if you prefer my rants limited to 140 characters!

Until next time….

E x

Match?

Thanks to the 3.5 year mark having passed since I last had a semblance of a relationship,  if you read my blog then you will also know its been well over a year since I have been lucky enough to engage with a chap in the no pants dance, I am now embracing the possibility that I will find a chap online! Or at least get a few dates out of it, always good for blog fodder!

So here I go, signed up to Match.com for a month, that’s all I am willing to commit, I am amazed that people sign up for a year right off that bat!

datingThis is totally how I feel about online dating!

So the info has been submitted I have been honest without over sharing and have used pictures that actually look like me, although thanks to Instagram show me in a nice soft light! I am always amazed at how hard people seem to think writing a little bit about yourself is, for me it wasn’t tough. Potentially because I write for a living, and for a hobby, but mostly I think it’s because people aren’t comfortable with who they really are. Thanks to the last 3 years of hell and heaven I have come to a real acceptance about who I am. I worry how much people exaggerate or gloss over some things about themselves. They tick the average looks box because they don’t want to come across as cocky, but knowing all along that actually they are attractive, the say they love things they think other people are looking for or worst of all they create an almost entirely fictional online ‘character’.

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Match photos

So here is my plan, be honest, all the time; not to the point I upset someone but I wont be trying to fit the mold someone else is searching for. So at 5.30pm today 21st January 2013 I am officially ‘dating’ the deal is if I get asked on a date I will go! Despite the fact that I have a list as long as War and Peace outlining what I do and do not want in a man. Then I had a little moment where I realised that I have narrowed the must have personality traits and appearance of ‘Mr Perfect’ to such a degree but I am not sure a person like that even exists! So I am branching out…..I am not thrilled about it, but nor am I thrilled to still be single.

So every few days I will update you on how im getting along…..must dash I have a few emails waiting for me!

E x

New Year, New Blog

As I am sure all of you that read my column are aware I am not one to sit on the fence, nor am I likely to keep my trap shut when I feel a rant brewing.

If you follow me on twitter I am sure that you have seen my recent tweets about ‘real women’ it may seem I am a little late to the party as there have been substantial rumblings and annoyance aimed at companies using size 16+ women and labeling them as ‘real’

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I must say I am 16+ and comfortable with my body, and thanks to my ability to inhale & exhale I count myself a real woman, it is in fact the sheer ability to breathe and function as a human that makes me a ‘real woman’ not my BMI or dress size.

If you follow me on instagram you will be aware of my addiction to glossy advert filled magazines, and my need to photograph and lust over them. But in reading them I have noticed my view of ‘normality’ is now somewhat skewed. Although I am aware that excessive air-brushing is used together with clever lighting and technical trickery, I find myself lulled into thinking that the foundation advertised will make my skin flawless, that I could have Cheryl style hair, or that Cosmo’s life quiz might actually cast light on my never-ending single state. I was shocked at the sheer levels of air-brushing and tweaking, saddened by the inane pointless drivel they pedal.

All of this came to a head when reading Glamour magazines tips on how to Internet date and the first snippet of advice went a little like this “make sure your profile picture on the site is accessible, you need to say hello without being intimidating” Ohhhh I see, so that’s where I am going wrong I’m using an intimidating picture. Look at it, brutal!

It got me to thinking about what I really want to read about, and thus Awkward was born.

Awkward is a new blog I am launching in February, filled with lifestyle, culture, parenting, fashion and beauty. At the moment its in the process of being created so looks a little plain, but will be perfect by the launch on 18th Feb 2013.

The contributors are diverse, they know what they are writing about, if they write about parenting then its because they are parents, if they are offering advice; its because they have been there and done it. The Awkward angle comes with each individual, each writer sees  themselves in an awkward light, not in a negative way, just an awkward one.

I would love to have guest posts on the site so if you want to get involved then contact me hello@theawkwardmagazine.com let me know what you like to write about and we can get the ball rolling. You can also find Awkward on twitter

Thank you ahead of time for the support I know I will have from you all

Em x

You are not alone this Christmas

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So this is a slightly different post from me, I came across it on Kellie’s blog Big Fashionista  - and decided that I would share as well.

I am lucky enough to be spending Christmas around people who I love and who love me back, I will be safe and warm and have everything I could want.

So many of us take our families for granted at Christmas. We assume that we’ll spend 3 or 4 days visiting and receiving guests, and in some cases bemoan this fact.

Please take some time this season to remember those who may not have visitors, who may be feeling low or alone. If you have neighbors who are alone this Christmas  pop your head in to say hello, take round some chocolates and spend a little time with them.

And if you are feeling alone this year, there are people ready and waiting to talk with you.

This list was compiled by the lovely Kellie at www.bigfashionista.co.uk

MIND http://www.mind.org.uk 0300 123 3393

Samaritans http://www.samaritans.org 08457 90 90 90

Alcoholics Anonymous http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/newcomers 0845 769 7555

Stonewall http://www.stonewall.org.uk Info line 08000 50 20 20

London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard 0207 837 7324

SANELine http://www.sane.org.uk 0845 767 8000

Preventing young suicide http://www.papyrus-uk.org For people in Northern Irelandhttp://www.lifeline.info 0808 808 8000

Childline http://www.childline.org.uk 0800 1111

Depression alliance http://www.depressionalliance.org

Refuge http://www.refuge.org.uk 0808 2000 247

Eating Disorders Association http://www.edauk.com 0845 634 1414

Shelter http://www.shelter.org.uk 0808 800 4444

NHS Direct http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk 0845 4647

No Panic http://www.no-panic.co.uk 0808 808 0545

Please don’t suffer alone, these people are waiting to answer your call.

Bitch, Slut, Whore….

Slut; an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute.

Whore; a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse, usually for money

Dear Readers I need your help – could someone please tell me when it became acceptable to call other women & girls ‘SLUT’ ‘WHORE’ ‘SLAG’? Now may I just preface this by saying I know this isn’t a new occurrence in the world, and yes I have in the past passed judgement on a stranger without having any rights to. But it seems to me that all of this has now got out of hand. Worst of all it’s not coming from guys about girls, its girls about girls.

In the last 3 weeks I have seen 5 of my friends on Facebook discuss a girl we all went to school with, the said girl is dating one of the ‘mean girls’ ex boyfriends and they have all taken to bad mouthing this girl so badly on Facebook that I have noticed this morning she has deactivated her account. Now it cannot be coincidence that as the ‘mean girls’ were ripping strips of this girl, she decided to leave Facebook.

These girls; note I say girls and not women, as I can only see this behavior as that of people who aren’t grown up enough to be a touch more eloquent; I get that they feel they are protecting their recently dumped friend, but let me make something crystal clear, the aggressive attention should not be focused on the new girlfriend, but on the ex boyfriend surely. Did the new GF even know the guy when he was with his ex? We have been out of school 10 years and yet this feels a lot like it did when I was when I was 17. The difference now is that it’s not just friends on her Facebook  maybe work colleagues or family. It’s not isolated to the school common room like it was in 2002, now its out there for the whole world to see.

Even more upsetting that the 27-year-old girls behaving like school bullies is the recent increase in status’ of friends nieces and nephews and cousins of mine; suddenly it seems to be the norm to call their friends ‘Slag’. When I asked my cousin about this she said “I don’t get it really, but I don’t want to be the only one not doing it, so I do.”  This makes me so sad, I wanted to shake her and make her see the harm that she might be doing not only to herself but to her female and male friends. What chance do her female friends have of growing up and valuing themselves if their friends call them these awful names, even if only in jest. And the guys, what about them? Will they grow into the kind of guys who call the women in their life their ‘bitches’ ‘hoes’ or ‘birds’? Will they understand the way it makes those girls feel?

The reason all of this makes me so mad, is that 10 years ago I was the one being called the names, to name a few we had; slut, slag, whore, bitch, fat, ugly, gold digger, witch, tramp, hooker.  I was non of these things, yes I had boyfriends, yes I made bad decisions, but I didn’t deserve that. But I have moved on and learnt to value myself, but after leaving school I saw myself how they saw me, only good for an easy shag, because since I believed them I was ugly and fat. Fast forward 10 years and I am stood in a bar in Harrogate and bump into a guy I knew at school, who although drunk managed to introduce me to his mates, however he introduced me to these friends as “This is Emma, the easiest girl from school” WOW what an introduction. Luckily i have enough wherewithal to just walk away and not hold it against him.

When I asked on my Facebook page and twitter what women thought about the way some women speak to each other I got a range of replies;

” I’m not sure how any of those terms can be endearing, I’ve heard people using some of them in normal language with their friends…I think it’s disgusting! Wouldn’t want someone calling me any of them, in a friendly way or not!” SAH on Facebook

“When I was teaching I had to deal with this a lot (I had a horrible Yr10 form). I think a lot of it stems from America TV and film – they seem to use it there more often and not to the same effect. It’s more of a casual comment. Unfortunately it’s being used on a day-to-day basis now. Personally, I hate it!!” Sophie, Facebook

“Deeply insecure, needing affirmation that they are not like that themselves” from Laura Jane Connor 

However, there were a few who seemed to think it could be said in an endearing way, that they didn’t mean it in a cruel way but that it was almost a pet name, something that I really do not understand.

So I am planning on making sure that those words never leave my lips, whether I am discussing someone I know or not. Instead I plan on saying this to everyone I know – thank you Aibeline Clark for this.

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So seriously let me know what you think, I really want to know!

E x

 

 

Is it the end of the world as we know it?

On Sunday night after a lovely weekend, I sat with two of my favourite people, full of gorgeous food and settled down to watch a movie ‘Seeking a friend for the end of the world’ a wonderful Steve Carrel and Kiera Knightly indie movie about the last 3 weeks on earth.

For those of you who don’t know about the Mayans, they see December 21, 2012 as the completion of the Great Mayan Cycle, and the beginning of a New World Age. They believed it was an “invitation to all of humanity to open themselves up to imagining, envisioning and actualizing the possibilities of gradual, positive transformation of our human culture in harmony with the Earth”. As we internally align with this grand shifting of cycles we can contribute our personal inspiration and commitment to being part of this collective transformation. Some people believe they meant an apocalypse, others that’s it’s simply the end of a life cycle. It isn’t something I really thought about until I was sitting with Amy and she told me how much it freaks her out thinking about it.

It got me to thinking, if we do only have 31 days left, what would I want to do with them, what would I want to say to the people I love, where would I want to be when the world ends. Once home last night, whilst painting my nails and listening to my ‘ultimate playlist’ I thought back over the 27 years I’ve been on this earth and to be honest, if the world was to end I could say I have had a hell of a life.

So here are my top 5 things in my life, along with pictures.

1 – March 2010 -Langar Airfield, Nottinghamshire

I jumped out of a plane, as someone who dislikes planes and heights it was both physically and mentally demanding, but knowing that I was raising money for Orchid Cancer Care.

2 – owned my own business, The Bespoke Cupcake Company – started in my kitchen at home making cupcakes for my dad whilst he was going through Chemo; it turned into a huge business that I was very proud of.

3 – My dad, every single picture of dad and I is more precious now that they are all I have left of him.

4 – Getting NAKED for charity. That’s right if you didn’t know then let me tell you. On a sunny but chilly day in August 2010 I stood ont he banks of a fishing lake at Plumpton Rocks near Harrogate and this photo was taken to be part of the Domestic Bliss Calendar to raise money for Teenage Cancer Trust
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5 – Getting amazing results in my GCSE’s – not expected at all, and they set me up for the rest of my life

Now I’m not saying the world will end, I’ve bought presents so to be honest it had best not! But it has given me a little time to reflect on the life I have had, and how grateful I am for the people I have, places I’ve been and things I’ve seen. So maybe in the next 31 days take a little time out to be grateful for the life you have had, and have now. Try to just be positive, see how the moments of your life have led you to exactly where you are; stood, sat, laid, wherever you are.

Think about it

E x